I want to love in bright and vibrant colors, swept across the sky, with a paintbrush in haphazard strokes of intimacy. Reds and blues and greens, clashing across a skyline that is a testimony to my ability to love completely. I want to love like I’ve never been let down and I have no cause to fear. I want to drink an ocean full of love in as I paddle frantically to stay afloat. Sucking it down in great gulps instead of sipping it, ladle full by ladle full. I want to love so deeply that I have to question my motives and wonder if I’m just kidding myself that anything could be this wonderful, while making me this confused. I want to love to my core, picking apart her silence in a quest for deeper meaning, while I lay awake and watch her and wonder if she’s dreaming. I want to love to a fault that splits me wide open as my hands shake and my heart quakes with a delirium that came from the anticipation of just one kiss. I want to take a shot at piercing her heart and not fear it if I miss. I want goodbyes that are bitter and hellos that begin with a desperate kiss, every time we should meet. I want to love like God. Flawless and Pure. But Only a Goddess is worthy of such love. (Even though I’d give it freely to anyone who chose to receive it if I truly loved like God.) I’d wrap her like a goddess in lengths of sex and clothe her in passion. I’d weave my words together to form a tapestry of metaphor and lay it happily before the door, padding the floor of the palace she has built in my heart and eagerly await the steps. The touch of her feet that would grace them. I’d gather my words of confusion and erase them. I want to fear my actions but not be able to stop them as I fall headlong down the hall. Moving steadily towards the place that keeps the thoughts of her that I won’t share with anyone because they should only ever be mine. And I look for her and wait. Wondering if it was me who took to long or her that is late. The one who wants this too. Sometimes I feel her in a crowd. Sometimes I see her just beyond the blackness of my closed eyes as I try to sleep, fighting the running dialogue in my head that prevents it. Sometimes I hear her, wishing for me. Walking in the rain, like I have done, missing someone we’ve never met. At least not yet. But until then I’ll wait, somewhere beyond myself, and love my words. I’ll perfect my hope of love and cultivate it like a seed until the time comes that I can plant it, and grow it, and water it with raindrops we will feel walking together in the rain. Wistfully recalling and somewhat missing that far away desire to one day love like we do now, but having no desire to surrender what we have found. No. We’d walk together in the rain forever. Even if we drown.  ¶ 3:49 PM